I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
