i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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