If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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