Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
