I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
