This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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