kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
