I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
