so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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