You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
