He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
