At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
