You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize