You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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