Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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