i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
