glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
