dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
