she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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