Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
