I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
