highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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