my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
