I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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