"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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