dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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