This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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