I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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