The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
