I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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