that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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