I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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