dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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