My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
