As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
