I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
