and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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