dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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