Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How naked do you want me to be?
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