I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
