Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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