i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
