I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
