Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
