tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
