Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nutella sex= disaster
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
