Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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