you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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