Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
