Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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