hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think im going to throw up on grandma
smell my finger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
