you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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