She is in my trunk
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
