Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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