I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
