im having a threesome with these popsicles
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
