I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
