Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
