I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
