A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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