im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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