cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
