How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
