There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
