you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
