I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
