I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you win again, gameday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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