Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize