So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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