I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize